OCTOBER 24, 2005
Newly released notes that Harriet Miers sent to then-Governor George
W. Bush in the 1990s have struck some as similar to high school love
letters sent to a crush. "You are the best governor ever--deserving
of great respect!" Miers explained in one note. "Thank you for
taking the time to visit in the office and on the plane back.
Cool!" she wrote on another occasion. In an effort to demonstrate
that Miers's inane sycophancy is nothing new or unusual, the White
House has furnished The New Republic with the following historical
documents:June 18, 1787
My Dearest General Washington,
Greetings and Salutations! I know it chafes your Humility Sir, but I
do sooo wish You would reconsider my Proposal to install You as our
Nation's first King. We both know those Nincompoops in Congrefs
should have been lost during our recent struggles with England
without your formidable Martial Skills, which I daresay rival Mars
himself. You are the greatest General ever!
Your Obedient Servant,
Col. Alexander Hamilton
To: The Right Honorable President of the United States, Mr. Wm.
From: Daniel Webster
April 4, 1841
I would be derelict in my responsibilities and absent in a time of
great significance were I not to pass on this brief word of
encouragement--you and Anna are the Greatest! My time in the
Congress has exposed me to the guiding lights of the Republic, yet
without reservation I can say that though it is only a month old,
yours is the most energetic administration, posses'd of the sagest
foresight we have yet encountered. Onward!
Liberty and Union,
P.S.: Though I am assur'd your medical counsel is without peer, my
experience finds that chicken soup has a salutary effect.
To: President Theodore Roosevelt
From: Associate Justice Oliver Wendell Holmes
Date: November 4, 1903
Whose canal? Our canal! Whose canal? Our canal! So a Colombian
sergeant will lay down his rifle for a
$50 note. If only his sister was that cheap, am I right? When I read
today's Journal, I recalled something you once said about
Senior--how he "combined strength and courage with gentleness,
tenderness, and great unselfishness." Write that under your own
portrait, my friend.
Ride or die,
To: President Gerald R. Ford
From: Richard B. Cheney, White House Chief of Staff
Date: January 19, 1976
I saw the show this weekend and it really got me fuming. I don't
recall the Green Bay Packers ever offering a contract to Chevy
Chase, do you? In fact, when I worked for Don, we went to see a
Redskins game that Vince Lombardi was coaching, one of the last
ones, and naturally Vince brought you up: "Ford? If I could, I'd
get him on the gridiron this instant." Anyway, if Vince were still
with us, I know he'd be thinking what I'm thinking: Chevy Chase can
go fuck himself.
April 20, 1961
Despite the outcome, the Bay of Pigs was a valiant effort much like
the fleaflicker you tried at the T'giving touch football game in
`48. Keep your chin up! Did I ever tell you that Dad was right to
like you best?
June 4, 1992
I caught you on "Arsenio" last night and just had to tell you that
you killed! Those shades made you look really cool and the tie was
money. (I learned that word from my daughter's friends.) You are
hands-down the hippest presidential candidate ever. I've said all
along that if voters could see your fun side the way I see it every
day, you couldn't lose. Now they have!