POLITICS MARCH 25, 2009
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When Curt Schilling announced his baseball retirement Monday by grandly proclaiming on his blog, “This party has officially ended,” I couldn’t help thinking of the greatest movie of all time, Anchorman, and the party scene at Ron Burgundy’s house in which Ron (Will Ferrell) turns to Brian Fantana (Paul Rudd) and announces: “We’ve been coming to the same party for twelve years now, and in no way is that depressing.”
Why? Because Curt Schilling was baseball’s Ron Burgundy. Like Ron in his native San Di-ah-go, Schilling was a locally beloved institution--a hero in Boston, Philly, and Arizona--with a comically inflated sense of self-importance. He was a very, very good pitcher, especially in the postseason, but not an all-time great (most sportswriters think he’s a bubble candidate for the Hall of Fame). Still, when Schilling dramatically wrote in his retirement post, “Four Wosrld Series, three World Championships … there are men with plaques in Cooperstown who never experienced one,” all that was missing was that famous Ron-ism, ‘”I’m kind of a big deal.”
Over his 23-season career, Schilling often displayed raffish, Burgundy-style charms. His Yankee-taunting quote during the 2001 World Series--“When you use the words ‘mystique’ and ‘aura,’ those are dancers in a nightclub”--could have been written by Ferrell or Anchorman co-writer Adam McKay. He had enigmatic personal habits: He was a Jedi-level computer geek, with a blog and his own video gaming company; and a 2001 interview he did about his obsession with the game EverQuest may be the most awesomely nerdy sports Q&A ever (“My first foray into Lower Guk was a lot of fun. … Completing the Robe of the Lost Circle quest was a blast. … One night I log in, and there's a 55 level monk there.”)
But Schilling mostly resembled Burgundy in that he was a first-rate blowhard, thrilled to hold forth with presumed authority on nearly any subject, as if earth was desperate for his wisdom. He’d shamelessly careen from sports to religion to politics; from his conservative heroes (John McCain, George W. Bush) to The New York Times (“A ‘left wing’ mouthpiece that has never had issues reporting ‘facts’ that aren’t, as facts.”) to Obama’s campaign trail economic plan (“There is nothing he’s proposed that is going to help me hire new employees or maintain the best health care coverage”). In baseball, he had zero compunction about criticizing others in the game. He called Alex Rodriguez “bush league.” He chastised Barry Bonds for “cheating on his wife, cheating on his taxes, and cheating on the game.” He even called out his own ex-teammates, like the flopsy outfielder Manny Ramirez. When Roger Clemens--Schilling’s version of Burgundy nemesis Wes Mantooth--was implicated for steroid use, Schilling howled that if Clemens was proven guilty, he should return his Cy Young Awards.
As gifted a player as Schilling was, his bloviating didn’t always endear him to his teammates. You can imagine, just like on the Channel 4 news team, some laughing behind his back. Schilling picked up the nickname “Red Light Curt” for his tendency to seek out media attention, and his former GM in Philadelphia, Ed Wade, once quipped that Schilling was a “horse” every fifth day, and a “horse’s ass” the other four. (That could have been a line in Anchorman, too.) GQ reported that after Schilling wrote an open letter to America after 9/11, his teammates serenaded him with a chorus of “Yankee Doodle Dandy.”
Schilling’s Burgundy streak only became more pronounced once he took to the blogosphere. In addition to its wonky baseball observations (which were honestly pretty good) and earnest tributes (“Outside of the Lord, my wife and my father there was no person who impacted my life more than [Phillies pitching coach] Johnny Podres”) Schilling’s 38 Pitches could be an uproarious barrage of authoritative non-sequiturs: A post about the 2008 World Series began with the observation, “Spinnakers in San Francisco has the best Crab Alfredo in existence.” He wrote randomly of upbreat traveling experiences (“We rented an Enterprise Rent-A-Car and it was as smooth and quick and easy a customer experience as I’ve had in awhile”), and posted hilariously geeked-out gamer raves (“Check out a game called Fieldrunners!!!! The funnest tower defense game I’ve ever played”). He even offered trenchant insights about Kobe Bryant’s lack of leadership skills after sitting near the Lakers bench in the 2008 Finals against the Boston Celtics (“He spent the better part of 3.5 quarters pissed off and ranting at the non-execution or lack of, of his team”).
The sports world can be brutal on its polymaths, of course. We like to stick our athletes in narrow boxes--play the game, win the game, talk about nothing else besides the game. But Schilling couldn’t help himself, and more importantly, he didn’t care. He’s one athlete who never felt constrained by the old-school rules or stereotypes, and for all the boorishness, you had to admire his refusal to play the dumb jock. He deserves to make the Hall of Fame, not only because he indeed was kind of a big deal (he was easily best postseason pitcher of his generation), but also because we all want to hear that three-hour speech in Cooperstown. It’ll be even better than Ron Burgundy’s at the local news Emmys. You stay classy, Curt Schilling.
Jason Gay is a writer in Brooklyn.
10 comments
I see where you're going, sort of (Schill doesn't musk up or go suit shopping when he's bummed), and it's funny but, dude, you're writing in TNR. I love this magazine, but intellectual modesty and a taciturn nature are not amongst its virtues - nor are they the virtues of most writers.
- benberger
March 25, 2009 at 1:00am
another webs article summed up Schilling perfectly: "since Curt was a bit smarter than your average ballplayer, he mistakenly assumed he was smarter than the public at large . . . being the tallest jockey in the racetrack locker room doesn't make you a giant"
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March 25, 2009 at 10:33am
benberger: "I love this magazine, but intellectual modesty and a taciturn nature are not amongst its virtues - nor are they the virtues of most writers. " Getting the facts straight, however, are. First of all, in the aftermath of 9/11, Schilling pitched for the Arizona Diamondbacks, not the Red Sox, for whom he wouldn't pitch until 2004. It would have been the D-backs who would've hummed "Yankee Doodle Dandy". Also, the quote about Alex Rodriguez being "bush league" was not in reference to the player but an infamous play in the 8th inning of Game 6 of the American League Championship Series in 2004, in which Mr. Rodriguez karate-chopped the arm of Red Sox pitcher Bronson Arroyo [an illegal maneuver], causing Mr. Arroyo to drop the ball and allowing Mr. Rodriguez to take second base and advance the runner ahead, Derek Jeter, to take third. Only furious complaint by Red Sox manager Terry Francona got the umpires to review the play and call Mr. Rodriguez out and send Mr. Jeter back to first base. The crowd at Yankee Stadium got so enraged that riot police were called in to protect the players from projectiles. It was to this play that Mr. Schilling was referring when he used "Alex Rodriguez" and "Bush League" in the same sentence. Given the description I provided, I think most fair-minded baseball fans would agree with Mr. Schilling.
- rlgordonma
March 25, 2009 at 10:50am
Aw, c'mon, Jason, you don't like him because he's a conservative. And I say that as a life-long Yankee fan.
- butchie b
March 25, 2009 at 11:23am
Read his retirement letter on his web site. It is a great tribute to baseball.
- JohnB
March 25, 2009 at 12:40pm
he would not have had this article written about him if he weren't. He might get a little bit of a run post game as an announcer if he is genuinely entertaining, or he might pull a Bunning and get elected to Congress or he just might fade into obscurity owning a car dealership in Arizona. In any case I really don't care. I have a feeling that for the rest of my life this will be the last time I will comment on Mr. Schilling.
- hey butchie
March 25, 2009 at 1:21pm
You mention Schilling's local hero status with several teams but omit the Baltimore Orioles. Granted, his stay there was only 2 years early in his career, but he had already endeared himself to the Oriole fans. And he was part of the absolute worst trade in O's history in 1991: he and Pete Harnisch and Steve Finley were traded to Houston for Glenn Davis. The O's discards were all young at the time and all of them went on to enjoy good-to-great careers; Davis, on the other hand, had had several excellent seasons with Houston but had nothing but injuries in Baltimore before he retired. I'd like to imagine the Baltimore pitching staff in the 90s with Schilling and Harnish and Mussina, and an outfield with Brady Anderson and Finley, but heck, the O's would have screwed things up even if they'd kept them all!
- Rick P
March 25, 2009 at 2:31pm
I don't share a lot of Schilling's views about life and politics beyond baseball. So what! As a reader of his blog, I found the baseball commentary very knowledgeable and delivered honestly. I know his blog rattled some of the duller bulbs of the Boston sports media who saw Schilling as talking over their heads and directly to the fans, and often with more knowledge and flair, although his editing and fact checking were suspect. As for his social commentary, etc., a lot of what he says is dumb. Still, I was glad to see an athlete make the attempt to understand and care about the world around him. Just because he was an activist for political causes that I oppose doesn't invalidate his good citizenship. As far as I know, he is faithful to his wife and children, raises tons of money for charity, in many respects tries to live a Christian life by example, and is generous with his time for fans and with our troops. And in 2004, he displayed one of the grittier performances by an athlete that I've ever seen. As a loyal Red Sox fan I am eternally grateful to him. And, as a professional, Schilling understood how fortunate -- not lucky -- he was to make a lot of money playing a child's game. He always respected the game, didn't (to my knowledge) take steroids, and did everything within his means to win. As for Schilling's accuracy issues, well, Jason, you did make some pretty large factual errors and misrepresentations -- thanks gordonma -- so remember what they say about glass houses. Some day, as a Red Sox fan, I hope to meet Schilling, shake his hand, and thank him.
- JC
March 25, 2009 at 2:37pm
"he was easily best postseason pitcher of his generation" Schilling was great, but let's not forget about John Smolz, who arguably was even better in postseason games.
- mvl921
March 25, 2009 at 3:58pm
Just a comment about your corrections. That 'karate chop' was actually a 'bitch slap' hence why it was so easy to super-impose a purse on his wrist in the famous picture.
- Cort
March 25, 2009 at 5:14pm