JONATHAN CHAIT FEBRUARY 8, 2011
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Apparently Fred Upton's method of communicating is an even richer subject than I had thought. Two sentences of Upton's were so jargon-laden that they inspired a long meditation by David Roth:
The topic is what Stephanie K. describes as "watered down 'net neutrality' regulations, including concessions to the cable and wireless industry and companies such as Comcast and AT&T," and which Michigan congressman Fred Upton describes as "nothing less than an assault on the internet." Upton, get on the mic and tell the people what it is:
"We have all grown sick and tired of the Chicago-style politics to ram through job-killing measures at any cost, regardless of the consequences or damage to our economy. Rather than put a gun to the head of our largest economic engines, now is the time for the FCC to cease and desist."
Even assuming, as we ought, that Upton is trying to show that he hates all kinds of regulations -- even the kind that major corporations essentially craft and purchase, which are generally the most popular kind with Congress -- can you figure out what he's trying to say? It's "Do not regulate," I'm pretty sure, but he loses that simple message amid all the messaging catch-words. The result is like the spoken equivalent of an overly SEO-ed piece of web prose -- language that frustrates just about every expectation we have of language. Let's enhance:
"We have all grown sick and tired of the Chicago-style politics to ram through job-killing measures at any cost, regardless of the consequences or damage to our economy. Rather than put a gun to the head of our largest economic engines, now is the time for the FCC to cease and desist."
There is only one thing to do with someone so willing to put message fidelity ahead of the most basic coherence. You give that motherfucker a chairmanship. I'll bet the National Association of Manufacturers congratulates him. A radical splinter faction of the MLA will doubtless be next.
Upton's chairmanship is going to be fun.
7 comments
We need to have a contest to see who can come up with a blurb that hits on the largest amount of conservative ideas with the fewest possible words (and is at least a relatively coherent thought... no fair just writing something like "tax birth certificate climate change muslim homos". It has to be something that, at at absolute bare minimum, one could realistically see coming out of Palin's mouth at a rally). Have at it.
- Tristan
February 8, 2011 at 4:06pm
Better amend that, Tristan. I could imagine exactly the non-sentence you offer as a forbidden example coming out of Palin's mouth.
- cspencef
February 8, 2011 at 5:03pm
Burn the heretics.
- GSpinks
February 8, 2011 at 5:27pm
He left out socialists -- as in job killing, liberal spending, over regulating, high taxing, weak on defense, wealth redistributing, stealing, murdering and rape your m*m in the *ss socialists.
- Nusholtz
February 8, 2011 at 5:45pm
socialistic, wealth-redistributing, Kenyan anti-colonialist, denier of American exceptionalism, Shiarra apologist, reverse racist, elitist...
- MikeB.
February 8, 2011 at 6:11pm
Tristan: Tax cuts of the wealthy now and forever.
- liberalref
February 8, 2011 at 9:21pm
The preposition in my above post should be "for."
- liberalref
February 9, 2011 at 4:46am