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Go Home Don't Go There, Macedonia

THE PLANK FEBRUARY 29, 2008

Don't Go There, Macedonia

BY JOSH PATASHNIK

The ongoing naming dispute between Greece and (the Former Yugoslav Republic of) Macedonia is escalating. Last week Greece announced its intention to block Macedonia's bid to join NATO and the EU unless the country changes its name (which also refers to a neighboring region of Greece). This touched off a protest of 5000 Macedonians in Skopje yesterday. Thankfully, the U.N. is on the case: 

On Tuesday, U.N. envoy Matthew Nimetz proposed five name alternatives: Constitutional Republic of Macedonia, Democratic Republic of Macedonia, Independent Republic of Macedonia, New Republic of Macedonia and Republic of Upper Macedonia. (emphasis mine)

Ahem. If Ban Ki-moon and company think Greece is the only aggressively territorial entity out there when it comes to names, they're sorely mistaken.

--Josh Patashnik 

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16 comments

It's not unprecedented.  Bangladesh was this close to being called "National Lampoon's East Pakistan"

- adaglas

February 29, 2008 at 4:08pm

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Hmmm, small, not very well known, and often overlooked, but possessing a grand history and many interesting features?  Seems about right.  Plus we won't need to worry about an anti-Israeli foreign policy.

- ratnerstar

February 29, 2008 at 4:25pm

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While we're in a stick-it-to-Balkan-nationalist moment, I say we follow unilateral recognition of Kosovo's independence over Serbian objections with unilateral recognition of Macedonia's name over Greek objections.

- rhubarbs

February 29, 2008 at 4:37pm

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Skopje flatly rejected Athens' preferred moniker for its neighbor to the north, "Greece For Dummies."

Y'know, in a world of Putin and Ahmedinejad, of Kosovars and Kurds, it's nice to know that some international incidents are good old fashioned ridiculous.

- adaglas

February 29, 2008 at 4:38pm

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Yup, adaglas, the modern day Greeks are nothing if not ridiculous.  I guess they lost all their gravitas under the Ottomans.  Which isn't surprising,

- jm_rice

February 29, 2008 at 5:18pm

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Speaking in defense of my ancestral people, Jim, things have been trending steadily downward since Constantinople was captured by 12 guys from Venice and a sock full of pennies during the 4th crusade.  But anyone can have a bad couple of millenia.

- adaglas

February 29, 2008 at 6:07pm

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They should call themselves the Northern Republic of Greece.

- sleepyavl

February 29, 2008 at 7:22pm

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Alexanderland. The locals would be called Alexanderlanders. Which is really helpful if you're trying to conquer the world. (It's true! It's always the geeky ones who do it.)

- guyminuslife

February 29, 2008 at 8:04pm

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Hail Freedonia. It has the donia part already. I will personally send one thousand dollars to the government there if they name it that (which I believe will equal the US aid to that country the past decade)

- blackton

February 29, 2008 at 8:34pm

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"Hail, hail Rob-on-i-a.  A land I didn't make up!"

- Crock1701

February 29, 2008 at 8:56pm

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How about Greekadonia? Or Heladonia? If they give in to those Greeks, at least they should do so in a way that annoys the Greeks.

- sleepyavl

February 29, 2008 at 10:06pm

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Given the counter-intuitive moniker of the current owner of the name 'New Republic', I'd suggest the name 'Meek'.

- jet

February 29, 2008 at 10:30pm

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Or better, call it Meece.  Multiple peeps could be called Meek.

- jet

February 29, 2008 at 10:33pm

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Guys unfortunately you're right.I'm greek and really the level of political debate in this country is really preposterous. You can only laugh at watching politicians of every spectrum discussing about non-existent issues!It nearly makes me embarassed!

- panagiotis

March 1, 2008 at 6:27am

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I think representatives of both countries should be locked in a room with the most extended cut of Oliver Stone's "Alexander" movie playing on repeat until they come to an agreement.

For time-wasting fun, if you're the sort of person who enjoys the vitriol of a Spine thread but wishes there were more broken English, citation of song lyrics as evidence, and threats to slit someone's throat and rape the wound, I recommend looking at the comment threads on YouTube clips related to Alexander the Great (movie scenes, bits of documentary, even the Iron Maiden song). Fascinating stuff, and educational for hostile vocabulary if you can read Greek.

- frippo

March 1, 2008 at 1:24pm

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If Kosovo is any guide, my guess is that the Macedonian economy is probably so weak that the country can barely afford its collective TNR subscription.

- ironyroad

March 3, 2008 at 11:36am

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