The Plank

Let The Bum-economy Marketing Begin


 A local diner has put a sign up on its marquis: "Hard times mean diner times." And just this morning I received an email from one of the children's clothing stores I buy from: "Don't Fear a Scary Economy--Check Out These Big Halloween Savings!"

Any day now, I expect the video-rental place down the road to start hawking Depression-era films.

Come to think of it, a little "Duck Soup" might be just the ticket this election season. Anyone from either team care to update the lyrics to Groucho's classic "Just Wait Til I get Through With It"? Here's the original, as a jump-starter:

These are the laws of my administrationNo one's allowed to smokeOr tell
a dirty jokeAnd whistling is forbidden...If chewing gum is chewedThe
chewer is pursued.And in the hoosegow hidden...If any form of pleasure
is exhibitedReport to me and it will be prohibited.I'll put my foot
down, so shall it be. This is the land of the free.

The last man nearly ruined this placeHe didn't know what to do with
itIf you think this country's bad off nowJust wait 'til I get through
with itThe country's taxes must be fixedAnd I know what to do with
itIf you think you're paying too much nowJust wait 'til I get through
with it...

I will not stand for anything that's crooked or unfairI'm strictly on the
up and upSo everyone bewareIf anyone's caught taking graftAnd I
don't get my shareWe stand 'em up against the wallAnd pop goes the

If any man should come between her husband and his brideWe find out which
one she prefersBy letting her decideIf she prefers the other manThe
husband steps outsideWe stand 'em up against the wallAnd pop goes the

Pop goes the weasel, indeed.

--Michelle Cottle 

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