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Go Home A Modest Proposal To Solve The Burris Problem

THE PLANK FEBRUARY 26, 2009

A Modest Proposal To Solve The Burris Problem

Roland Burris is obviously going to put "U.S. Senator" on his mausoleum, but I can think of another entry that might belong there, as well: "Destroyer of the Illinois Democratic Party."

Here's the dilemma Burris has created for his fellow Illinois Dems by refusing to resign. Burris not only denies the state's Democratic Governor Pat Quinn the power to appoint another Democrat to serve out the Senate term until a special election can be held in 2010; his continued presence in the Senate threatens to cast a cloud over those elections and hurt the Demcorats' chances in them. So why not just effectively remove Burris from office by having a special election this spring? Because such a move might very well hand the seat to the GOP, since the Republicans have one obvious candidate in Mark Kirk to rally around, and the Democrats have a slew of them--ranging from Jan Schakowsky to Danny Davis to Jesse White--who might split the vote. (Which is presumably why Illinois Dems appear reluctant to hold a special election.) In other words, the Dems will have a hard time winning with Burris in the Senate and a hard time winning without him there.

Unless Illinois Democrats can find one candidate for an '09 special election who would unite the party and trounce Kirk. And, actually, I can think of one Illinois Dem who could do just that: Michelle Obama. She has a 49 percent approval rating (paired with just a 5 percent disapproval rating) and is almost certainly even more popular in her home state. More importantly, at a time when the federal government is going to be showering money on the states, she could credibly argue to Illinois voters that they'd certainly get their share.

Of course, some might say it would be inappropriate for a sitting First Lady to also be a U.S. Senator (although Hillary Clinton managed to perform both roles for a couple weeks in January 2001). So, if Michelle's unavailable, what about her mother, Marian Robinson? At 71, she's the same age as Burris, and she could pledge to merely serve out the remainder of the current term and not run in the 2010 elections. Plus, she's already in Washington--having moved into the White House with the Obamas--so she wouldn't have to relocate. I can already see her campaign slogan: "If I'm a good enough caretaker for my grandchildren, I'm a good enough caretaker for that Senate seat!"

--Jason Zengerle

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14 comments

When you titled it "A Modest Proposal", I thought you were going to suggest cooking Burris and feeding him to the poor...

- JEFF FREY

February 26, 2009 at 4:46pm

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Funny! How about Illinois Democrats fleld a candidate capable of galvanizing state-wide  support? Here's another modest proposal: if they can't  do that in a very blue state, they should get used to losing.

- propositionjoe

February 26, 2009 at 4:57pm

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Hmm. Other possible solutions:

Senator Patrick Fitzgerald (turns the page on the Blago scandal)

Senator Jon Langford

Senator Mike Ditka ("Ditka, widdout da Bears, versus da entire You-nited States Senate: Ditka by fitty-seven at da half, den da Senate forfeits.")

Senator Any Given Member of the Second City Comedy Group (to keep Al Franken company)

Senator Lincoln Impersonator (he'll vote the Whig party line)

Senator Cheeseborger Cheeseborger

Senator Ozzie Guillen (all the ego and crazy of Burris, half the controversy)

- rhubarbs

February 26, 2009 at 5:30pm

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Jeff, I almost fell out of my chair at work when I read that.

- ClumsyMohel

February 26, 2009 at 5:31pm

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why can't Dems have a primary first before the general? If they have to pay for it, so what? Better to pay now and keep the seat then be fractured. Burris is a buffoon, the sooner we see the back of him the better.

- blackton

February 26, 2009 at 5:49pm

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First, would it be THAT awful for Kirk to be elected?  I thought we all like the Snowe-Collins-Specter part of the party, fiscal conservative/socially liberal GOPers?  (I live in Kirk's district and actually think he's a bit of a fraud, but that's surely how he would position himself in the campaign and in the senate).

Second, forget that -- the Dems should force Jan S. to back down and bring Valerie Jarrett back in the picture.

- Lymon1

February 26, 2009 at 6:06pm

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Why not just appoint Blago?  At least all parties would know what they're getting and where they stand . . .

- timteeter

February 26, 2009 at 6:57pm

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"Unless Illinois Democrats can find one candidate for an '09 special election who would unite the party and trounce Kirk."

I can give you three right now. Lisa Madigan. Dan Hynes. Alexi Giannoulias [sp?].

All three have won statewide, are politically ambitious, and are on record as opposing Blago's kleptocratic governing style. Granted, one or more of them may want to pass on a Senate run, in favor of challenging Quinn in a gubernatorial primary. But in Illinois, a Democratic US Senator essentially has a lifetime employment guarantee. That ought to look pretty tempting

- nathanirwin

February 27, 2009 at 12:36am

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Great Idea Jason! Let's establish an Obama Dynasty. I thought this election was supposed to be about change and moving away from families like the Bushes and Clintons running things forever. This seems more like ad nauseum than a brilliant new idea.

- patrickbassett

February 27, 2009 at 12:00pm

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" But in Illinois, a Democratic US Senator essentially has a lifetime employment guarantee."

What part of "essentially" did Carol Moseley Braun not understand?

- tdwis

February 27, 2009 at 12:38pm

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Senator Jon Langford?  He's got my vote.  The post-election victory party at Shuba's in Lakeview would be awesome.

- ebrunick

February 27, 2009 at 1:22pm

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What Nathan wrote ... Do you actually know anything about Illinois politics Zengerle or were you just typing? Who has a shot at that senate seat is 100% dependent on which way Madigan jumps. If she wants into the Senate the seats hers and if she prefers the statehouse Giannoulias is better positioned than Jan Schakowsky, Davis or White.

- arsonplus

February 27, 2009 at 7:20pm

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Another vote for the great Jon-Boy Langford.

Er, has anyone checked to see if he's a US citizen?

- tmanson

February 27, 2009 at 7:39pm

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One should not underestimate the disarray of the Illinois GOP.  Yes, Mark Kirk narrowly won his last election, but in a time when the national GOP is smiting its own moderates hip and thigh, you can count on a scary conservative Republican like perennial-waster-of-his-own-money Jim Oberweis to queer the deal.

Count on Burris serving the full two years (as soon as a white girl goes missing over Spring Break, this story falls right back to page A-twelvey-two in every paper except the Trib) and the Dems hanging onto the Senate seat without much trouble.  Kirk's got a much better chance at taking the State House, and my gut tells me that's where his ambition lies.

- austinexpat

February 28, 2009 at 11:00am

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