The Plank

Poor Hannah Montana

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Even before the pics hit the public Miley Cyrus wanted everyone to know that she was "embarrassed" at having been tricked by mean ol' Annie Leibowitz into posing for those racy "Vanity Fair" pics. Of course, the video footage of the photo shoot currently being promoted by VF shows daddy Billy Ray on the scene and sure makes it look like everyone was having a grand old time. Moreover, according to VF, Miley--who was never without parents and/or handlers during the shoot--and her team saw the pics ahead of time and were initially pleased as punch. And, oh, yes, it also happens that there are some less-artistic web pics making the rounds now, featuring Miley in her bra (for which she has also apologized). So you'll excuse me if I don't feel outraged on behalf of the egregiously exploited teen.

Indeed, in Michelle's repressive society, little Miley would have been out on her perky 15-year-old ass before those pics hit the newsstand. The girl is a megastar specifically because of her appeal to little girls. As such, she absolutely has a responsibility to not go around kinda, sorta flashing her shit in grown-up magazines. Cyrus is not an adult celebrity. Her show appears on the frickin' Disney Channel. And if Disney were less craven, it would, instead of issuing huffy statements about how its star had been "manipulated," kick her to the curb over this--or at least dock her pay and put her on hiatus for several weeks.

Hell, I recently signed a contract that included a "moral turpitude" clause, and there's not a 13-year-old girl in America looking to pattern her behavior after me. Is it really too much to ask that a teen sensation who's making her fortune solely off the affections of children not get half-naked in public?

And can someone please get Billy Ray some parenting classes before poor Miley winds up out partying with Lindsay and Britney?

--Michelle CottleĀ 

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