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Go Home The Dumbledore Candidate

THE PLANK DECEMBER 7, 2007

The Dumbledore Candidate

BY CHRISTOPHER ORR

Daniel Larison takes one look at Mike Huckabee's inane new foreign policy metaphor--

During the Cold War, you were a hawk or a dove, but this new world requires us to be a phoenix, to rise from the ashes of the twin towers with a whole new game plan for this very different enemy. Being a phoenix means constantly reinventing ourselves, dying to mistakes and miscalculations, changing tactics and strategies, rising reborn to meet each new challenge and seize each new opportunity.

--and says what's needed:

So Mike Huckabee promises us a foreign policy that will make sure that America repeatedly bursts into flame for all of eternity.

Even leaving aside the Harry Potter overtones of the analogy (does this mean Huckabee's pro-witchcraft?) what struck me about this was how middle-schoolish it felt, as though Huckabee set out to choose a bird that would just be so boss that all those people who'd aligned themselves as hawks or doves would feel really jealous: A war eagle? No, too much like a hawk. An ostrich--you know its kick can kill a man? No, too dorky looking. Oh, screw the birds. Maybe I should just say, "During the Cold War, you were a hawk or a dove, but this new world requires us to be a cougar that shoots lightning from its paws..."

 --Christopher Orr

Update: What was Mike Huckabee like after college graduation? Perhaps you can get a glimpse here, around the one-minute mark. (Warning: The picture's very dark. But still: Cougars!)
 

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16 comments

Maybe he meant we should be like Dark Phoenix (nee Jean Grey), consuming all the life energy of this planet and any other in our wake?

- adaglas

December 7, 2007 at 11:04am

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No, I think requires us to be more like Dogs with Bees in Their Mouths, and When They Bark They Shoot Bees at You. (kudos to me for the first Simpson reference.)

- blackton

December 7, 2007 at 11:37am

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I can't believe the Huckster didn't go for only America's favorite animal, the Liger:

www.liloia.com/.../liger.jpg

- rhubarbs

December 7, 2007 at 11:54am

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rhubarbs, ligers (cross between tigers and lions) are real animals. I saw some at a Chinese zoo (they are sterile and unable to reproduce) and after they are grown they are butchered and made into a powder, great for invigorating ones Jing (sexual qi energy).

I am not joking.

- blackton

December 7, 2007 at 12:16pm

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Well Blackton, the political rhetoric for that one practically writes itself then, don't it?

- adaglas

December 7, 2007 at 12:21pm

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oh come on adaglas, don't be lazy, write it.

- blackton

December 7, 2007 at 12:38pm

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blackton, I have to tip my hat to you for the first Simpsons reference of this fine Friday.  

I'm trying to come up with a good one to follow, but they all seem gratuitous....oh, what the hell.

"Kent: Senator Dole, why should people vote for you instead of President

     Clinton?

Kang: It makes no difference which one of us you vote for. Either way,

     your planet is doomed. DOOMED!

Kent: Well, a refreshingly frank response there from senator Bob Dole."

- drdannyu

December 7, 2007 at 12:47pm

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"America must be like the great liger of yore.  Though we are now sterile with partisanship and secularism, soon we will mature to be ground up into a fine powder of faith and used to stimulate an orgy of freedom."

On the Simpsons count, let me add:  "Let the bears pay the bear tax.  I pay the Homer tax!"

- adaglas

December 7, 2007 at 1:25pm

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happy weekend guys. good to have a couple of laughs.

you know, I went over to the confederateyankee about the STB affair to see if I could actually engage in dialog. There were a few civil and intelligent responses to my questions, even the guy who runs the blogs responded pretty well, but for the most part most of the readers there were appalled that anyone could disagree with them, telling me begone troll, and how I hate the troops, etc. that the lies of TNR demoralizes troops, etc. in total, a very unpleasant experience, totally devoid of humor (they think childish snark is humor) or desire to hear any thoughts but amen, otherwise out comes the invective. And that blog is full of humorless postings, one after another.

- blackton

December 7, 2007 at 1:51pm

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"Truly, our foreign policy is the world's liger, providing it with its thrust of justice.  Even now, Department of Defense workers are laboring to grind Karen Hughes into a fine powder, suitable for consumption as a beverage during policy briefings.  When Iran or North Korea sense our mojo of freedom pressing against the fabric of their totalitarian regimes, they will know that the time of resistance is over, like the token resistance of a floozy after a lobster dinner."

- drdannyu

December 7, 2007 at 1:51pm

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great guys.

- blackton

December 7, 2007 at 2:40pm

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War Eagle!

Come visit us at the loveliest village on the plains sometime!

- epackard-02

December 7, 2007 at 2:49pm

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Now that's vivid imagery, Dr Dan.  Consider me won over by the woody of justice.

I think America should strive to emulate the mighty esquilax - a creature with the head of a rabbit, and the body of a rabbit.

- adaglas

December 7, 2007 at 3:16pm

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I love that whole episode.  Particularly that the fortune teller only foretells fortunes in which one gets jerked around.

- drdannyu

December 7, 2007 at 4:12pm

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Barron reminds me that Mike Huckabee's "Phoenix" metaphor isn't his only recent statement

- Anonymous

December 7, 2007 at 4:26pm

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It reminds me of Frank Costanza's line "I'm like a phoenix rising from Arizona!"

- ligedog1

December 7, 2007 at 5:51pm

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