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Go Home Tucker Max Isn't Just A Jerk. He's Pitiable.

THE PLANK SEPTEMBER 27, 2009

Tucker Max Isn't Just A Jerk. He's Pitiable.

BY SEYWARD DARBY

Few movies released in recent years--or, let's be honest, ever--look as abysmal as I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell, a beer-and-boobs-saturated bro flick that came out Friday. Based on the book of the same name, the movie is a vehicle for popular blogger Tucker Max, whose claim to fame, put bluntly, is thinking that he's totally awesome because he parties and sleeps with women (allegedly). Lots of women (allegedly). And then, he writes about it. His blog, Tuckermax.com, begins with the salutation, "My name is Tucker Max, and I am an asshole." Charming. And among his most famous "stories," as he calls them, are ones titled "Tucker tries buttsex; hilarity does not ensue" and "The Blowjob Follies." The new movie, which is a memoir of Max's antics, includes a character asking, "You're saying that Magic Johnson is black and has AIDS and has it better than me?" Not surprisingly, in the lead-up to the film's release, there were heated discussions about his deplorable, sexist, painfully unfunny humor, and even protests at his public events. (He told the LA Times, though, that he doesn't care about the "[k]ooks and trolls and haters" that don't like him. Again, charming.)

While I'm all for free speech, people enjoying sex, and, yes, even (good) bromance humor, the fact that Max has a New York Times bestselling book--the cover of which depicts a photo of a blonde woman draped on him with the words "Your face here" where hers should be--and a movie--which includes the line "fat girls aren't real people"--is nauseating. And yet, my reaction to him runs deeper than that. Why does he inspire more than just fury in me? Why does Tucker Max make me sad?

Let me share a story. On New Year's Eve 2005, I went to a party in New York City, hosted by the Princeton Club. Lo and behold, the featured celebrity guest of the evening was none other than Tucker Max (because, apparently, the club couldn't spring for Andy Dick). The place was a madhouse--lots of very drunk young banker-types swarming with lots of very drunk young women, one of whom, in a teeny gold dress, accidentally yet happily flashed the room several times. A friend I was with spotted Max and wanted to introduce herself. I followed along.

Max was unremarkable--average height, average build, average looks. He was underdressed. The most notable thing about him was his air of nonchalance. On the one hand, I could argue that it was reasonable for him to give off the "I don't give a rip about this party" vibe--it was, after all, a mindless affair. But his vibe reeked mostly of "I don't need to give a rip, because I'm Tucker Max, and my life is about not giving a rip." Even the lovely brunette--whom, as I recall, had posed or was soon to be posing for Maxim--and the entourage of dudes who'd showed up with Max didn't really seem to interest him. He just seemed bored.

In an attempt to strike up conversation--because, warmed by some Bacardi O, I thought, "Why not?"--I told him that I went to Duke, where he had gone to law school. He told me he didn't think a whole lot of the university (a point he reiterated recently) or the student newspaper where I worked, which had just interviewed him. I talked more about journalism or some other general topic. He nodded a lot. There were awkward pauses. He wore a permanent smirk.  

I admit that my memory is muddled--it was, after all, four years ago, and we'd all had cocktails--so I won't put words in the man's mouth, but he soon conveyed to me that I talked too much and that guys, all of them, don't like that. (A perusal of my e-mail account from the time reveals that I told a friend Max had referred to me as something along the lines of the "loud Southern girl.") The night ended a while later at a club downtown, where I was more than happy to leave my party schmoozing with the still-nonplussed Tucker and his flurry of followers.

Now, I do talk a lot, and loudly. And I don't care a bit what Tucker Max thinks of me. But that encounter crystallized much of what's wrong with this guy, from his oversized ego to his view of women to, most conspicuously, the fact that boredom is his life. I'm sure his fans will say he's living the dream by partying it up and getting laid (allegedly)--and, now, getting paid to do it. But, really: As it happens, he turns 34 today. And he’s used his adult years to become a world-class purveyor of the fratty art of the stunt. As he told The Huffington Post's Brad Balfour today, he has a "Narcissistic Personality Disorder" and cares little to not at all about how his exploits affect or offend anyone. For instance, why seek out sex with a "midget" or a "deaf girl"? Why simple! "It's a novelty," Max says.

It's hard to imagine this guy, with his blasé, can't-be-bothered persona, ever having taken a risk in his life. Risks, you see, are different than stunts. They require the strength to lose something important, something of substance that you might have to learn to live without, if things don't go according to plan. But Max has built himself and his brand around the notion that, really, nothing is that important--so what is there to lose? And that is why Tucker Max makes me sad.

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34 comments

Every boy who thinks he is impressing the girls at parties by treating them like scum (whoops, by playing "The Game") should read this. Good going, Seyward.

- mcorey.geo

September 27, 2009 at 3:14pm

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Good lord. You need to take a deep breath and relax. Is Tucker Max a douche? Maybe. I don't know. But your overheated screed doesn't read like a critique -- it reads like pique at some perceived slight. Seriously -- reread your piece and try to follow the logic -- there isn't much.

- sollested1

September 27, 2009 at 3:37pm

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You remember the scene: HOWARD I'm going to kill myself MAX Oh, shit, Howard HOWARD I'm going to blow my brains out right on the air, right in the middle of the seven o'clock news. MAX You'll get a hell of a rating, I'll tell you that, a fifty share easy HOWARD You think so? MAX We could make a series out of it. Suicide of the Week. Hell, why limit ourselves? Execution of the Week -- the Madame Defarge Show! Every Sunday night, bring your knitting and watch somebody get guillotined, hung, electrocuted, gassed. For a logo, we'll have some brute with a black hood over his head. Think of the spin-offs -- Rape of the Week -- HOWARD (beginning to get caught up in the idea) Terrorist of the Week? MAX Beautiful! HOWARD How about Coliseum '74? Every week we throw some Christians to the lions! MAX Fantastic! The Death Hour! I love it! Suicides, assassinations, mad bombers, Mafia hitmen, murder in the barbershop, human sacrifices in witches' covens, automobile smashups. The Death Hour! A great Sunday night show for the whole family. We'll wipe fucking Disney right off the air. george: They just missed the part about Girls Gone Wild, To Catch A Predator, boundless T & A and Tucker Max. Raunch! Raunch! Raunch! Women reduced to slabs of meat and men reduced to reducing them to slabs of meat. Come on, admit it. You can't stomach the evangelical attacks on gays; and their insufferable "family values" pitch for returning to the heyday of Father Knows Best. But you know deep down inside they are speaking powerful truths about the utter depravity of our sex saturated demolition derby of a culture. It's a vast pit of sleaze and dehumanization---of both men and women. But especially of women. And the girls nudged [or shoved] to become women at an earlier and earlier age. Sex. The ultimate purveyer of mindless commodities. Poles and holes, 24/7. Even Hugh Hefner must be appalled. george walton

- iambiguous

September 27, 2009 at 3:48pm

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"Good lord. You need to take a deep breath and relax. Is Tucker Max a douche? Maybe. I don't know. But your overheated screed doesn't read like a critique -- it reads like pique at some perceived slight. Seriously -- reread your piece and try to follow the logic -- there isn't much." george: See what I mean: "Hey, man, what's the fuss?" Is Solles a man? Or worse, a woman? george

- iambiguous

September 27, 2009 at 3:55pm

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I don't know if you talk too much -- against common prejudice, men gab more than they think they do, in fact -- but you sure do write too much! A two-page post on a conversation in a bar four years ago? Get a life, please.

- ironyroad

September 27, 2009 at 5:02pm

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Seyward honey - No. Just no. You are not sad. You are enraged. You understandably feel violated but can't put your finger on exactly how. But worst of all - you're embarrassed by those feelings, as women are trained to be. Unreconstructecd women-hating and sociopathology encouraged by the media does that to people. Feeling helpless to stop it does too. Bigots and bigotry just plain hurts. Murderous hatred and loathing is your FRIEND - revel in it, make it bigger and badder. It's good for ya. I can't remember a man ever saying he felt "sad" when faced with such sickening behavior. Can you? Come on girl, let loose. Let's string up this motherfucker and do tequilla shots on his corpse. You in?

- WandreyCer

September 27, 2009 at 5:11pm

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"A two-page post on a conversation in a bar four years ago? Get a life, please." george: Of course. That's all Max represents when push comes to shove anyway, right? And every Sunday the brutes on the field in the NFL smackdowns proudly display the other end of the gender norm. But why oh why can't they cut more to those scantily clad cheerleaders rooting the thugs on? Maybe to match the testosterone more aggressively "the girls" should wear nothing at all. They can be interviewed by Max after the game just like the players. You know, to show how much more liberated they are than the next generation of Jon Benets and the Money Honeys. george

- iambiguous

September 27, 2009 at 5:47pm

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I have never before heard of this excrescence until right now. Sound likes a pretty callow, pitiable asshole and perhaps your long winded bile is just a by product of the outrage that we all feel when shitheals become, for some reason only known to a very tolerant Almighty, successful. I like women who talk. If this dickhead didn't like it, it is probably because your conversation was shrinking his vulnerable nuts with every word.

- MrCookie1

September 27, 2009 at 5:49pm

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"Come on girl, let loose. Let's string up this motherfucker and do tequilla shots on his corpse. You in?" george: You have to wonder just how many MaxWorld denizens have bought into this machismo bullshit. Machismo light of course. I suspect that even for Wandre, Max might push things too far. And male and female reactions to it are bathetically interchangable in this day and age. Forty years after the last feminist wave and millions and millions of women [and, sadly, young women...even girls] buy into this crude objectification of holes because, after all, no one makes them, right? You see this, "how can I achieve fame by being a beautiful....or even just a pretty...sexpot" mentality everywhere. If you are a women today the doors are open like never before because of battles waged out on the streets by very brave women in the 60s and 70s. I know because I first became conscious of gender roles [and norms] in the Mad Man early 60s. And I was there when the struggles against them unfolded. And even if these battles were waged more for middle class than for working class women, they still strived above all else to yank women as far away from being perceived as just holes to men as possible. But, sure, dismiss MaxWorld as just a tiny sliver of the media approach to women [as though that is all it is!!] and take comfort in how great and grand America is for allowing these neandrethals to flourish. Why should male masturbation be taken back to the dark ages again, right? george walton

- iambiguous

September 27, 2009 at 6:12pm

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mr cookie: I like women who talk. If this dickhead didn't like it, it is probably because your conversation was shrinking his vulnerable nuts with every word. george: More of the same from men who don't like to be reminded of what they still buy into in the 21st century. Clever by half. But so much less clever than the other half, I'm sure. Or did I fail to catch enough of the irony between the lines? gw

- iambiguous

September 27, 2009 at 6:18pm

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I'm with MrCookie. I never heard of this guy before, and my life was fuller because of it. Now if only I could live my life like this.

- rjb9

September 27, 2009 at 6:21pm

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I third cookie, this is the first time of have ever heard of this guy. yeesh Walton, there are 11 posts on this thread and you have 5 of them, I have no desire to read what you wrote, but good lord it took you five posts (one of incredible length) just to comment on a non-entity?

- blackton

September 27, 2009 at 6:51pm

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I remember seeing an interview with the guy who got a perfect score in Pac-Man. I thought he was hilariously full of himself for just being some guy who's good at an old arcade game. Notice, though, that I don't say his "alleged" perfect score in Pac-Man or that he's "allegedly" good at it. That's because I don't share his apparent belief that Pac-Man matters in any way whatsoever. You try to claim here that you don't think Max's number of sexual partners is any kind of accomplishment, yet you also (overtly and embarrassingly) cast aspersions on it. That's not exactly logically inconsistent, but it does seem to me like it's emotionally inconsistent. I think there's something a little sad about someone going into their 40s without (having had) a long-term emotional investment in a partner or family, but Max is still relatively young and I don't think doors are closing on him yet. I may not like him but I think it's pointless to deny that parts of his life look like fulfillment of the male id's fantasies. There are people out there who will have better, happier, more fulfilling lives than any of us without ever doing anything to deserve it, and Max is hardly the most egregious example of this, so I guess I don't see a point in going after him.

- Simon Greenwood

September 27, 2009 at 7:51pm

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black: yeesh Walton, there are 11 posts on this thread and you have 5 of them george: Typical fucking man, right? But all I ever cared about is having more posts than all the women combined. Besides, Max paid me to pay Seyward to plug him here at TNR. Call it a....scientific experiment? I can't help it if you are so refined MaxWorld is not as addicting as Howard Stern. But that all changes now, right? ; o ) gw

- iambiguous

September 27, 2009 at 8:50pm

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simon: I may not like him but I think it's pointless to deny that parts of his life look like fulfillment of the male id's fantasies. george: It's in the genes, right? And if efforts were made to nudge folks away from this sexist garbage it's therefore all in vain. Hell, I'm not for censoring him. Nor those who dismiss it all as just another "point of light" in this marvelous American melting pot of male narcissism. Go for it, boys! And anyway there's that other manifestation of the "male id fantasy": Gang banging, soldiering on and destroying peoples' lives whereever it's legal. Or illegal. The male beasts. Where would we be without them?!! Hell, I'm acting like one now, aren't I? Alas, it is deeply embedded in all of us. Men can only keep trying to keep from bubbling up to the surface. george

- iambiguous

September 27, 2009 at 9:21pm

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It sounds like you have some issues with your gender identity, George. I don't think it justifies your intentional ignorance, but it does make it understandable. Just remind yourself, when you're learning empirical facts about the differences between men and women, that you can be an exception to these trends and still be an OK person.

- Simon Greenwood

September 27, 2009 at 9:44pm

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a bit of a bird walk but I can somewhat relate to how Seyward might feel when someone she once knew or meet has undeserved celebrity fall into their laps. Over the past week, I have been getting calls and facebook messages all asking me if I have seen my former bethrothed in that Ana Winocur movie. Yep, she's there. Now, unlike this dickhead guy, she is very talented and certainly deserving of her success but hey, she broke my heart, kept my ring, kept the dress, and dumped my ass. Now, she is in a movie. On some bizarre, immature level, it cheeses me off that she achieved so much success after scrubbing yours truly outta her life. I don't really wish her any ill will but dang, does she have to be in a movie and do I have to get all those calls asking me if I have seen the movie? So, in the "life ain't fair" department, I can somewhat relate...

- MrCookie1

September 27, 2009 at 10:42pm

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MrC, yes I sympathize with that but there's a time and a place. I'd seen the trailers for this movie and had quickly reached the conclusion that Max is indeed an insufferable douchebag and an ignorant jerk who has the luck to live in a culture that values ignorance and approves of jerks. But after finishing Darby's diatribe I actually began to feel a positive something for the guy. That doesn't seem like a good result. More of a moral disaster. I mean, women aren't perfect any more than guys and there are mind-numbing gabblers out there too. I'm tempted to say that your example of your ex-fiancee (?) making the movie and having all those folks call you up is a little different from having a run-in with someone four years ago and using your TNR staff writer position to let us all know how really truly indignant you are about the way he dissed you.

- ironyroad

September 27, 2009 at 10:57pm

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irony, yep, in the strictest sense you're absolutely correct. Seyward's dagger to the heart fo this douchebag just got me thinking about negative shit and hearing about my former fiancee's movie debut this week ranks up there. No real nexus other than both incidents provoked some tooth grinding...

- MrCookie1

September 27, 2009 at 11:18pm

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simon: It sounds like you have some issues with your gender identity, George. george: That's not my point, Mr. Greenwood. My point is that you don't. Anymore than Max does, right? Oh yes, there's a man of our gender who knows how to be a credit to the species. You're own personal hero now? The new Superman for the stud muffins everywhere? And surely you're not suggesting I'm talking about having a dick and not knowing what to do with it. I'm talking about having a dick and only knowing one thing to do with it. In other words having a dick and being one too. Like I said, if Max is you're idea of fantasy figure, go for it. Sit around with your buddies watching men be men on the football field and share war stories. Lean back, close your eyes and sigh, "sometimes it's just great to be alive". Then reminisce about your days on the battlefield in Iraq or Kuwait or Greneda or Panama....or [like me] Vietnam. george

- iambiguous

September 28, 2009 at 12:29am

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While I'm sure that you had wet dreams about sipping wine while pondering the meaning of life, any number of psychological studies show that men really like fantasizing about promiscuity. You seem to have confused men with animals though; the whole distinction between id and ego and super-ego was invented because people don't always act out their base desires nor do they find doing so to be admirable. I have no idea why you've started calling me a studmuffin or a superman but it's really creepy so please stop.

- Simon Greenwood

September 28, 2009 at 3:19am

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I honestly don't understand how this movie got made. Who's going to watch it? Given that it's written by the guy who apparently thinks his life is great, there's not the usual motivation to watch jackasses perform (occasionally, in the real world, life gives them a comeuppance. I suspect this won't happen in the movie). Feh. Do yourself a favor. Go watch Jennifer's Body, or Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs, or whatever inane romantic comedy is trying to break the trend.

- miceelf

September 28, 2009 at 9:06am

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simon, very funny. you almost force me to want to read what walton wrote so I can see what you are referring to, but as you also have no idea what he is talking about I will simply refrain. joc, I checked out that blog going to the aforementioned bjfollies, read the first posting and found it utterly unbelievable. There is simply no way in hell what he wrote was true, I will spare the details but when the first thing I read was absolute bs I know it can't get better from there.

- blackton

September 28, 2009 at 10:43am

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Good grief, Seyward, you asked for it. I don't know how you haven't figured this out yet, but there are plenty of guys like Tucker, writ small. All's you got to do is, once you notice it, back away. But in your case, liquor or no, you had a strange compulsion to keep talking to him. What, were you going to be the One to mend his ways, make him act civil for once? I can actually see a douchebag like him getting laid a lot. Women too like the challenge of the hunt.

- Juniper

September 28, 2009 at 1:54pm

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Jeez - well even without reading georgie's comments, that's 9 minutes I'll never get back spent on a movie I will never watch and the commercials for which my TiVo will thankfully spare me from (though I may have seen them flash by as I was FFWDing to the next segment of TopGear (gawd, I loves me my new BBC America channel)). Nevertheless, the karmic solution for all of this is for everyone here to go find a theatre showing "Ponyo," find a passle of kids in need of good entertainment, and take 'em to see it while it's still around. Let's hear a big "hip hip" for John Lasseter and his somewhat unheralded labor of love ::bowing once again at the shrine that is Hayao Miyazaki ::

- MJMCKAY

September 28, 2009 at 4:27pm

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simon: While I'm sure that you had wet dreams about sipping wine while pondering the meaning of life, any number of psychological studies show that men really like fantasizing about promiscuity. george: Okay, I'll admit The Whore of Mensa is Woody Allen's authorized biography of my life. Satisfied? But how did Walter anticipate your's in My Secret Life? Fantasizing about promiscuity is not what Max does. Instead, he brings the girls gone wild to life and treats them like bimbos and slabs of meat. That so many of the women go along with it is what yanks your dick, I suspect. Where are mine, Godamnit? Why do they always have to be in my head? Uh, right? I'm not talking about this from the perspective of men being able to rationalize or not rationalize their more base humpings. I'm thinking more of a culture that rewards young women to go along with it by debasng themselves. Do you see that distinction anywhere in your own prurient groping for sweet young things? But I'll bet you're the Josh Parker type. You're sensitive, man!! george

- iambiguous

September 28, 2009 at 4:41pm

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kay: Jeez - well even without reading georgie's comments, that's 9 minutes I'll never get back george: Good news. Cliffnotes finally has "Iambiguous: The TNR Years" out on the shelves. It compacts all my posts down to, "fuck you for not agreeing with me." See Blacton's ecstatic review of it at Amazon.com. Come on, you can admit that you, uh, peek at mine from time to time. But just in case you really, really never do: Scumbag shit for brains misogynists like you and Blackton all deserve to be hung by your teeny tiny dicks on Rachel Maddow!!! ; o ) gw

- iambiguous

September 28, 2009 at 4:52pm

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juniper: but there are plenty of guys like Tucker, writ small. All's you got to do is, once you notice it, back away george: Hell, you could say the same thing about Dufar, right? Big or small all human campaigns to dehumanize other human beings can be backed away from. Unless, of course, you are right in the middle of it. Then you've got to hope that others choose not to. Max embodies a cultural tidal wave in which young women and girls all clamor to be what men like him want them to be: tits and holes. Tits and holes though that love the challange of hunting Max down. Is that what you're suggesting is a liberating position for women to take who don't back away? Let me guess: The Stranglers, right? strolling along minding my own buisness well there goes a girl and a half she's got me going up and down she's got me going up and down walking on the beaches looking at the peaches well i got the notion girl that you got some suntan lotion in that bottle of yours spread it all over my peelin' skin baby that feels real good all this skirt lappin' up the sun lap me up why don't you come on and lap me up walking on the beaches looking at the peaches well there goes another one just lying down on the sand dunes i'd better go take a swim and see if i can cool down a little bit coz you and me woman we got a lotta things on our minds (you know what i mean) walking on the beaches looking at the peaches will you just take a look over there (where?) there is she tryin' to get outta that clitares? liberation for women thats what i preach preacher man george

- iambiguous

September 28, 2009 at 5:05pm

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At the risk of having to turn in my already feeble guy credentials, I second Wandrey. This guy and his obnoxious provocations don't make me sad *for him*. They make me sad, instead, for "a culture that values ignorance and approves of jerks," as irony puts it. I'm not sufficiently cool or jaded or resigned or whatever to not be upset by buses with ads for this movie on them consisting of bon mots such as, "Deaf Girls Can't Hear You Coming" or "Strippers Will Not Tolerate Disrespect. (Just Kidding!)" Encouragingly, I wasn't alone, a minor uproar ensued, the Chicago Transit Authority pulled the ads, claiming that a third-party contractor put them up without seeking approval (three cheers for outsourcing), and Max delivered an ingeniously perverse press release accusing those upset by the ads -- that is, "kooky activists" -- of "exploit[ing] the rape and domestic violence issues to get national attention." If I had any sense that this guy was doing ironic shtick or satire or self-aware commentary -- sort of the way Stephen Colbert or Sarah Silverman pretend to be jerks in in order to lampoon jerks or signal the outrageousness of jerkiness -- that would be different. Max has said that what he does is satire, but I don't think it is. (I haven't read his book, but I read enough of his website to get a flavor of the guy.) I was about to say, "I don't think he knows what satire is," but I think he does. He's smart. He's just a douchebag, which he thinks is funny. I admit that I'm worried that there are a lot of people who find proto-sociopathy funny. So, yeah, if anything, Darby isn't shrill enough!

- jhildner1

September 28, 2009 at 5:51pm

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"Let's string up this motherfucker and do tequilla shots on his corpse. You in?" She might not be, but I sure am.

- drdannyu

September 28, 2009 at 7:40pm

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So what this boils down to is: you tried to hit on Max at a party. He blew you off, so now you're taking your revenge by slamming his book. Nice.

- Old Fezziwig

September 28, 2009 at 9:30pm

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I never heard of Tucker Max and I never knew what the trailers for the movie was about until this essay. Perhaps I was unique, but it's a shame that TNR inadvertently added to his fame. Talking about unimportant people makes them famous; which is exactly what he is trying to achieve. Better, I guess, to be a misogynist than a serial killer; the only other avenue to fame available to a guy like this. Come to think of it, we should keep our eye on him. His is exactly the behavior profilers are always warning us about.

- perryborenstein@comcast.net

September 28, 2009 at 9:36pm

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To Old Fezziwig the merkin: Oh, right, because that's the only reason any woman approaches a man. She wants to do him. Little projection going on, I'm sure. To Wandrey: I second what you said. And I see nothing wrong with using a personal anecdote to illustrate that a guy is a douche-bag. Mr.Cookie: Didn't you once write that said ex-fiancee was a total loon? Plus, if she ended the engagement, she was legally obliged to return the ring. Anyway, note how they just arrested Polanski? I guess he can't invoke the law of statutes yet. Maybe the same holds true for your ring. Perhaps she can be extradited from Manhattan to San Fran.

- MOLLYSIMON

September 29, 2009 at 2:04pm

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Oops: Meant to say statute of limitations.

- MOLLYSIMON

September 29, 2009 at 2:17pm

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