By now you know that yesterday Hillary Clinton chose a lame Celine Dion song as her campaign anthem. But maybe it's not too late to change her mind. Thus, today the Plank announces the winner of its own exciting Hillary theme song contest.
This was a tough one. Hillary means many different things to different people. Lots of entries were great but narrowly-focused.
Thus I've chosen finalists for a few popular thematic categories. (Click the embedded videos one time to play them. For the impatient, click a second time to open a new window that will reveal the title right away.)
The runner-up among people clearly hostile to Hillary is this submission by commenter rhubarbs. (Honorary mention to ornery JosephCuomo, who proposed "Don't Lie" by the Black Eyed Peas):
We also got quite a lot of good war-related entries. The best among them came from our very own reporter-researcher Elspeth Reeve:
The theme of ideological oppportunism yielded some good ones, too. Were it available on YouTube I might select Bob Mould's "Whichever Way the Wind Blows." Commenter egibson also suggested "Blowin' in the Wind." But in this category I defer to commenter miceelf:
To my mind, however, the winner was clear. At first glance it struck me as a little ridiculous, fairly irrevelant, and almost certainly not available on YouTube. But on closer inspection reader MBSullivan proved me wrong on all three counts. The clincher was this bit from the lyrics:
Now the world is ready for you/
And the wonders you can do/
Make a hawk a dove/
Stop a war with love/
Make a liar tell the truth
There's something there for nearly everyone: Read one way, the lyrics are rather arch and mocking. Read another way, and given the uplifting title, it's almost possible to imagine Hillary actually using it. (A bonus is that it's also a hilariously campy video.)
So, without further ado, here's our choice for Hillary Clinton's campaign theme song. Out with the Canadian, in with the invisible airplane! Thanks for playing, folks!