THE PLANK MAY 30, 2007
-
Read Later
READ LATERAvailable only to subscribers. SUBSCRIBE TODAY
-
Listen
ARTICLE AUDIO
- Font Size
Just try not to let the flak jacket cramp your backhand:
Take a look, for instance, at the embassy's "pool house", as imagined by BDY. You will see palm trees dotted around it, the expansive lawns, and those tennis courts discreetly in the background. For an American official not likely to leave the constricted, heavily fortified, 6.4-kilometer-square Green Zone during a year's tour of duty, practicing his or her serve (on the taxpayer's dollar) is undoubtedly no small thing.
Admittedly, it may be hard to take that refreshing dip or catch a few sets of tennis in Baghdad's heat if the present order for all US personnel in the Green Zone to wear flak jackets and helmets at all times remains in effect - or if, as in the present palace/embassy, the pool (as well as ping-pong tables) is declared, thanks to increasing mortar and missile attacks, temporarily "off limits". In that case, more time will probably be spent in the massive, largely windowless-looking recreation center, one of more than 20 blast-resistant buildings BDY has planned.
[Thanks to reader JT]
P.S. Reminder: Our own Michael Currie Schaffer was on the new embassy case last week.
--Michael Crowley
8 comments
On a flight back to SFO from Kona a few months ago I smugly harrumphed at the couple a few rows back who were wearing masks, I suppose to prevent all those scary airplane germs from plopping into their mucus membranes. Then yesterday I heard about the super-TB passenger quarantined in Atlanta. My harrumphing stopped. This gets me thinking that this necessity for flak jackets in the Green Zone might not be such a bad thing. I mean, the GWOT still has legs, and people are certainly paranoid as it is (with much justification), so why not jump in with both feet? We need to start marketing designer flak jackets for the domestic market. Why should the wealthy, the military, and government officials be the only people to keep their internal organs in one place when IEDs start exploding up and down Main Street? Say Dick Cheney shows up for your Fourth of July parade, your friendly neighborhood Islamowhacko takes offense, the Jetta across the street blows up, your pancreas ends up in Queens, and Cheney just keeps on smirking? Tell me that won't royally piss you off. So: I'm thinking we cut a deal with, say, Tommy Hilfiger, set up "FlaxJax" as a top-down franchise operation, charge about $50K per location out the gate, and go public on NASDAQ by 1Q09. Who's in?
- williamyard
May 30, 2007 at 2:39pm
I can post some initial capital of 11 dollars and a handful of buttons. Oh! marketing! "Flac is the New Black" or: G-SAVE Your Ass
- boneill
May 30, 2007 at 3:17pm
GWOT You Wearin'?
- ratnerstar
May 30, 2007 at 3:23pm
Those plans are pretty much bombing blueprints for AQI (Al Qaeda in Iraq) or the Sunni "dead-enders" or whoever wants to show off their skills at killing Americans. Nice going.
- stgla
May 30, 2007 at 3:56pm
"...Too many guns in this damn town, The supermarket, you gotta duck down, Baby flak jackets on the merry-go-round (London is burnin')..." Joe Strummer and the Mescaleros, 'Burnin' Streets' on _Streetcore_
- SMacEachern2
May 30, 2007 at 4:07pm
I will match your $11 and buttons with my really long ball of string, some day old bread, and my collection of toenail clippings (which is my gift to you). How many shares do I get?
- blackton
May 30, 2007 at 5:32pm
I think that makes you the majority shareholder, until I collect all these cicada shells and start a hostile takeover. Thanks for the toenails. ;) Emoticons are inherently funny.
- boneill
May 30, 2007 at 5:50pm
you don't have to be a Jared Fucking Diamond to know that.
- blackton
May 30, 2007 at 5:53pm