THE STUMP FEBRUARY 3, 2012
Well, Mitt Romney may not have much competition in the Nevada caucuses, but he’s got rivals galore in the business of producing gaffes that manage to be aggravating to both left and right, as his “not concerned about the very poor” riff was. The Stump put out the call for gaffes of Romneyesque bipolar irritation, and the readers responded in force. If Mitt’s well ever runs dry, he will know where to turn for material.
So, without further ado, the winner and runners up of the First Stump Contest of the 2012 campaign. Drum roll (or America the Beautiful hum?), please....
First Place: “The problem isn’t the individual mandate, which is perfectly constitutional; it’s the very idea of universal coverage.” Congratulations, timteeter. This was not only the best entry, it was the very first one. And the thing is, it’s really not hard to imagine that Romney, after a few more months of contortions around Romneycare and Obamacare, might actually say this.
Second Place: “This president apologizes for America. Well friends, when I was in France during Vietnam, I stood up for America!” Congratulations, John Vigna. Again, it’s not inconceivable that the Mittster might venture something as magnifique as this.
Third Place: “To protect our peace loving and God fearing Muslim brothers and sisters, I will return 250,000 troops to Iraq.” Congratulations, Peter Nessen. Who knows, if the strengthening economy forces Romney to focus on a different issue, and the situation in Iraq continues to worsen, these words could yet pass his lips.
Honorable Mention: “Women who need to terminate their pregnancies should not have a co-pay since life begins at conception, which is expensive.” Beautiful, Christy Wolfe. This one deserves mention for its glorious and twisted illogic. Stare at it too long and you’ll get dizzy.
Honorable Mention For Entry By A Celebrity Columnist: “Climate change deniers need to brush up on science. Then they’ll realize, it’s a good thing!” Well done, Katha Pollitt.
Honorable Mention For Entry About A Celebrity Columnist: “David Brooks is the most insightful political commentator in America.” Touche, Michael Christopher Ratliff.
Honorable Mention For Unintentional Entry: The Komen Foundation. Er, congratulations, guys.
There were many, many more great entries. Well done, everyone, and thanks for participating. Timteeter, please let me know where to send your prize (firstname.lastname@example.org.) And everyone else, have a great weekend and look out for our next contest in the coming months.
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