The New Republic

The Republican primary has now reached that dread phase where we are required to feign interest in Mitt Romney's victory in Puerto Rico -- amongst voters who will not vote this November unless they catch a plane to Orlando -- and to wonder whether Rick Santorum can repeat his Missouri victory in the delegate-awarding reenactment of that state's nominating contest. Yawn.

But there is one bonus: with Romney struggling to close out the nomination against candidates who are having trouble getting on the ballot even in their home states, we get to see people of all sorts offering him advice that ranges from the pitiful to the ludicrous. First, there was Maggie Haberman's advice to Romney last week in Politico, urging him to drop his blatant pandering in the South for a more ironic approach: 

Change will take some measure of discipline, but it’s something Romney can pull off. For example, instead of a joke about grits, Romney could relate more easily to voters if he joked about being from southern Michigan.

Ba-da-bum. And then in Saturday's Washington Post, Philip Rucker extracted this gem from religious-right leader Richard Land: 

Among those being courted [by Romney] is Richard Land, a longtime leader of the Southern Baptist Convention. As a practice, Land said, he does not endorse political candidates, but he is considered a powerful barometer of the evangelical community.

Land said that after a private dinner with Romney last year at Acadiana, a Washington restaurant, Romney’s advisers have been in regular touch. Land said he recently told them that Romney could win over recalcitrant conservatives by picking Sen. Marco Rubio (Fla.) as his vice presidential running mate and previewing a few Cabinet selections: Santorum as attorney general, Gingrich as ambassador to the United Nations and John Bolton as secretary of state.

Ah yes. Condom confiscation at CVS stores by federal marshals, and Newt and Bolton tag-teaming our Iran diplomacy. That'll do the trick, Mitt!

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