The Five Saddest 'Modern Love' Columns

by Laura Bennett | March 30, 2014

photo credit: Image via shutterstock.com
.error {display:none;} .rank-wrapper { margin-left:60px; margin-top:-30px; font-family: 'Atlas Grotesk'; } .rank-item { width:95%; padding:0; margin:0; } .rank-item #bluebox { height:8px; background-color: #00afec; position:relative; bottom:-27px; } .rank-item #blackbox { height:8px; background-color: #000; position:relative; bottom:-27px; } .rank-item #heavy-border { height:8px; background-color: #000; margin-right:-5px; margin-left:-5px; position:relative; bottom:-27px; } .rank-item #thin-border { height:2px; background-color: #000; position:relative; bottom:-27px; } .rank-item .rank-number { background-color: #000; display:inline-block; padding:3px 15px 0 15px; position:relative; left:-47px; top:90px; } .rank-item .rank-number h1 { color:#fff; font-size: 2.5em; font-family: 'Atlas Grotesk'; font-weight: 600; position:relative; top:-12px; } .rank-item #item-body .body-wrapper { padding-left: 22px; padding-top:12px; } .rank-item #item-body .body-wrapper img { max-width: 100%; } .rank-item #item-body .body-wrapper#five img { margin-bottom:-75px; position:relative; top:18px; } .rank-item #item-body .body-wrapper#four-hed { margin-bottom:-15px; } .rank-item #item-body h2 { text-transform: uppercase; font-weight: 800; font-size:24px; line-height: 1.1; font-family:'Atlas Grotesk'; } .rank-item #item-body h3 { padding-bottom:10px; border-bottom:1px dotted #000; margin-bottom:10px; text-transform: uppercase; font-weight: 100; font-size:24px; font-family:'Atlas Grotesk'; } .rank-item #item-body .body-wrapper a { color:#000; } .rank-item #item-body .body-wrapper a:hover { color:#1ca2f7; } .rank-item#four { margin-bottom:-80px; } .rank-item#four p { padding-top:10px; padding-left: 5px; } .rank-item #item-body .body-wrapper#three { text-align: center; z-index:1; } .rank-item #item-body .body-wrapper#three p { text-align: left; } .rank-item #item-body .body-wrapper#three img { display:inline-block; position:relative; /*top:-40px;*/ margin-top:-51px; margin-bottom:11px; z-index:50; } .rank-item#three { margin-bottom:-110px; } .rank-number#number-three { left:-47px; } .rank-item #item-body .body-wrapper#two { text-align: center; } .rank-item #item-body .body-wrapper#two p { text-align: left; } .rank-item #item-body .body-wrapper#two img { display:inline-block; position:relative; top:-11px; } .rank-number#number-two { left:-47px; } .rank-item#two { margin-bottom:-110px; } .rank-number#number-one { left:-43px; } .rank-item#one { padding-bottom:30px; } .rank-item #item-body .body-wrapper#one { padding-bottom:30px; z-index:1; } .rank-item #item-body .body-wrapper#one p {padding-bottom: 15px;} .rank-item #item-body .body-wrapper#one img { position:relative; margin-top:-48px; margin-bottom:10px; z-index:50; } /* SECTIONS */ .section { clear: both; padding: 0px; margin: 0px; } /* COLUMN SETUP */ .col { display: block; float:left; margin: 0 0 1% 0.6%; } .col:first-child { margin-left: 0; } .col2 { display: block; float:left; margin: 0 0 1% 0.6%; } .col2:first-child { margin-left: 0; } .col3 { display: block; float:left; margin: 0 0 1% 0.6%; } .col3:first-child { margin-left: 0; } /* GROUPING */ .group:before, .group:after { content:""; display:table; } .group:after { clear:both; } .group { zoom:1; /* For IE 6/7 */ } /* GRID OF THREE */ .span_3_of_3 { width: 100%; } .span_2_of_3 { width: 66.46%; } .span_1_of_3 { width: 32.93%; } /* GRID OF FOUR */ .span_4_of_4 { width: 100%; } .span_3_of_4 { width: 74.85%; } .span_2_of_4 { width: 49.7%; } .span_1_of_4 { width: 24.55%; } /* GRID OF FIVE */ .span_5_of_5 { width: 100%; } .span_4_of_5 { width: 79.88%; } .span_3_of_5 { width: 59.76%; } .span_2_of_5 { width: 39.64%; } .span_1_of_5 { width: 19.52%; } /* GO FULL WIDTH AT LESS THAN 480 PIXELS */ @media only screen and (max-width: 480px) { .col { margin: 0 0 1% 0%; } .col2 { display:none; } } @media only screen and (max-width: 480px) { .span_3_of_3 { width: 100%; } .span_2_of_3 { width: 100%; } .span_1_of_3 { width: 100%; } } @media only screen and (max-width: 480px) { .span_4_of_4 { width: 100%; } .span_3_of_4 { width: 100%; } .span_2_of_4 { width: 100%; } .span_1_of_4 { width: 100%; } } @media only screen and (max-width: 480px) { .span_5_of_5 { width: 100%; } .span_4_of_5 { width: 100%; } .span_3_of_5 { width: 100%; } .span_2_of_5 { width: 100%; } .span_1_of_5 { width: 100%; } } @media only screen and (max-width: 1220px) { .rank-item .rank-number {top:86px;} } @media only screen and (max-width: 615px) { .rank-item#two p {padding-left: 10px;} .rank-item#four p {padding-top:0;} } @media only screen and (max-width: 600px) { .rank-item #item-body .body-wrapper#one img {padding-left:5px;} .rank-item #item-body .body-wrapper#one p {padding-bottom:15px;} } @media only screen and (max-width: 530px) { .rank-item #item-body .body-wrapper#three img {padding-left: 8px;} } @media only screen and (max-width: 480px) { .rank-item #item-body .body-wrapper#five {text-align: center;} .rank-item #item-body .body-wrapper#five p, h2, h3 {text-align: left;} .rank-item #item-body .body-wrapper#five img {display:inline-block;margin-bottom:-45px;top:31px;} .rank-item #item-body .body-wrapper#four {text-align: center;} .rank-item #item-body .body-wrapper#four p {text-align: left;margin-bottom:35px;} .rank-item #item-body .body-wrapper#four img {display:inline-block;padding-top:5px;} .rank-item #item-body .body-wrapper#one {text-align: center;} .rank-item #item-body .body-wrapper#one p {text-align: left;} .rank-item #item-body .body-wrapper#one img {display:inline-block;margin-top:10px;margin-bottom:25px;} .rank-item#two {margin-bottom:-45px;} .rank-item #item-body .body-wrapper#three img {margin-top: 0;margin-bottom: 34px;padding-top:10px;margin-left:-10px;} .rank-item .rank-number {left:-50px;top:70px;} .rank-item .rank-number h1 {font-size: 45px;} .rank-number#number-one {top:86px; left:-38px;} .rank-number#number-two {top:86px;left:-42px;} .rank-number#number-three {left:-42px; top:86px;} .rank-number#number-four {left:-43px; top:86px;} .rank-number#number-five {left:-42px;top:86px;} .rank-wrapper {margin-left:50px;} .rank-item #item-body .body-wrapper#two img {top:-5px;} .rank-item #item-body .body-wrapper#two p {padding-top:5px;} .rank-item #heavy-border {margin-right:0;margin-left:0;} }

5

"A Bad Case Of Puppy Love"

June 5, 2005

Man falls in love with woman. She’s smart, she’s fun, she has a “terrific body” (he says, three times). Then he discovers he has stronger feelings for her dog. “The passion in my sex life with Ally had cooled, but I didn’t care. I had Rusty.”

4

After a painful divorce, a woman finds love and renewal in a surprising place: Junior Mints.

3

Woman tries to convince herself that the gay man she wants to date is straight. She plies him with wine, she spoons him tenderly. She’s never felt so in love. He is definitely gay.

2

Man loses fiancée, then his paycheck, then falls in love with—a theme emerges—a dog. "Danger licked my face as I cried, and we snuggled while watching television."

1

"On the third anniversary of my abortion, I found out via MySpace that my ex-boyfriend was having a baby with another woman." MySpace?

Source URL: http://www.newrepublic.com//article/117155/five-saddest-modern-love-columns