Photo: John Moore/Getty Images News
What Anthony Weiner Didn't Say
Selfie-Consciousness

What Anthony Weiner Didn't Say I'm Gonna Keep on Sexting!

By Photo: John Moore/Getty Images News

NEW YORKAt a hastily called news conference, former Rep. Anthony Weiner conceded that he kept on sending smutty messages and pictures of his penis to women whose acquaintance he had not previously made even after he had been exposed, after he had apologized publicly for it, after he had promised to stop, and after he had resigned from Congress as a consequence.  

Political experts said it was too soon to tell what effect this may have on Mr. Weiner’s campaign for mayor of New  York City. “We have to stop laughing first,” said one prominent consultant.

Mr. Weiner vowed to keep on sending pictures of his penis to strangers over the internet  throughout the mayoral campaign. According to his campaign gameplan, a copy of which was obtained, each time he will swear it’s the last, and promise not to do it again, and then he’ll do it again.

“I figure there’s time between now and the election for at least three more rounds of what I call CC&Athat’s Commission, Confession and Apology,” Mr. Weiner explained. He called it “a harmless hobbylike toy trains. You think all of that rushing through tunnels isn’t sexual? Give me a break.”

“Sending a picture of your penis to some strange woman on the Internet is the kind of bold, creative leadership I intend to bring to New York City,” Mr. Weiner said. If elected mayor, Mr. Weiner said, he will have computers and large flat-screen monitors installed throughout Gracie Mansion and City Hall so that city employees can know the size of his penis at all times.

Mr. Weiner said he had warned reporters at his previous press conference that there might be further revelations. Well, he said, “ these are them. Or,”  he paused and added, “I think this is about it. For now. Unless there’s more.” You never know. You never know.

Mr. Weiner denied that the pictures of his penis had been photoshopped. But he said that from now on he would limit himself to taking pictures of the Washington Monument.

Mr. Weiner’s wife, Huma Abedin, was at his side (or was it his throat?) during yesterday’s press conference. She said, supportively, “Anthony Weiner is a repulsive human being with nothing at all to say for himself. I love him, I have forgiven him, and now he’ll have to do what I say for the rest of his life."

Ms. Abedin is a protégé of Hillary Clinton.

Loading Related Articles...
The Plank
Article Tools
SHARE YOUR THOUGHTS

Show all 5 comments

You must be a subscriber to post comments. Subscribe today.