BOOKS AND ARTS AUGUST 29, 2008
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“It’s funny, I just made the same speech to my shrink,” one character confesses to another in the midst of a heartfelt revelation in Woody Allen’s Vicky Cristina Barcelona. I had to check my notes, though, to see which character said this to which, and during which heartfelt revelation, because it’s a line that could have been spoken in almost any scene. Vicky Cristina Barcelona is a film in which emotions, intuitions, and states of mind are rarely experienced without being announced: “I’m a little out of control,” says the woman who is out of control; “When I drink I get brutally frank,” says the woman about to be brutally frank; “Not that I haven’t had fantasies about someone taking me out of my situation,” says the woman who has fantasies, etc., etc.
This constant self-narration would be less disconcerting if the film didn’t already have a narrator (Christopher Evan Welch) who is heroically committed to ensuring that even the most inattentive viewer won’t miss a thing, whether it be a physical event (“They arrived at the hotel,” we’re told, as characters arrive at a hotel; “They returned to the hotel,” we’re told when they return) or an emotional development (“Suddenly, thoughts started taking precedence over feelings, thoughts about life and love”). Vicky Cristina Barcelona is the cinematic equivalent of a book on tape: a movie that watches itself for you and tells you what it sees.
The heroines of Allen’s experiment in exposition are the titular Vicky (Rebecca Hall) and Cristina (Scarlett Johansson), two pretty twentysomethings spending a summer in titular Barcelona. In a restaurant, they meet Juan Antonio (Javier Bardem), a soulful seducer (also, a painter) who immediately suggests that the three of them go away for the weekend to drink good wine and make love together--which, if you’re Javier Bardem, is evidently the kind of thing you can say to women you’ve just met without getting punched.
Cristina is enthusiastic about the idea, but Vicky less so--unsurprising given that our painstaking narrator has already explained that the former is a passionate free spirit and the latter, a cautious planner who prefers stability to studliness. Erotic adventurism wins out, though, and the ladies decide to go away with Juan Antonio. There is an intentional seduction that is aborted and, later, an accidental one that is consummated. Soon enough, Juan Antonio’s tempestuous ex-wife Maria Elena (Penelope Cruz) shows up to offer still more opportunities for sexual arithmetic. (For those now rushing to buy tickets online, be forewarned that Allen’s mind may be dirty, but his lens is chaste: Yes, there is a Johansson-Cruz coupling and a Johansson-Cruz-Bardem tripling; no, you don’t see either one. Instead, there’s a brief kiss and then a fadeout and--of course!--narration, with Johansson tastefully explaining, “And it happened very naturally for both of us.”)
Vicky Cristina Barcelona is an above-average effort by Allen’s recent standards, but sadly for the film (and more sadly for the standards) that still doesn’t make it much good. Johansson gives perhaps her weakest performance in a string of unmemorable ones (The Black Dahlia, The Prestige, The Other Boleyn Girl), but the fault is largely Allen’s. Though he obviously (too obviously) loves her lazy sensuality, he struggles to write a character suited to it. When, on the verge of seduction by Juan Antonio, Cristina declares, “If you don’t start undressing me soon, this is going to turn into a panel discussion,” we see Johansson’s lips move but hear Allen talking. (The libidinous mood is not enhanced.) British actress Hall fares better as a rare female stand-in for Allen’s nervous, self-conscious persona, though even she can’t rescue a line as remote from spoken language as, “Let’s not get into one of those turgid, categorical arguments.”
It is Allen’s good fortune that he cast Bardem, the rare actor whose charisma and personal gravity could overcome the inherent silliness of Juan Antonio, an embarrassing assembly of Mediterranean lover clichés. But it is Cruz who most clearly shrugs off the overwritten script and steals nearly every scene she is in. Gifted, gorgeous, and mad as a snake, her Maria Elena is a whirlwind of carnal volatility and, by far, the funniest element in the film.
Which is a large part of the problem. Though Vicky Cristina Barcelona has the shape of a sex farce, it lacks the reckless spirit. And while it occasionally feints toward sincere emotional exploration, its talky, over-literal observations never scratch beneath the surface either. There’s nothing in the movie that particularly offends, but also nothing--beyond the ravishing Cruz and the ravishing Spanish scenery--that particularly appeals. The last line in the film spoken by a character (naturally, there are a few paragraphs of narration left) is: “It was a passing thing, and now it’s over.” Indeed.
Christopher Orr is a senior editor at The New Republic.
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11 comments
Nice review Christopher. Kudos for not going along with the pack of New York Critics praising this dreck. The movie sucked. The camera lingering on Johansson's lips, which were self-conciously molded around the rims of seemingly bottomless glasses of red wine, was annoying as hell. The final wacky confrontation was a poor rip off of Almodovar's Women on the Verge. And the contemptuous undertone of it all. Allen clearly thinks everyone is doomed to misery dysfunction. Especially bleached-blond shiksas that he can lust over but never have. The one great line was about the old man, "He doesn't publish his poetry because he's taking revenge on the world." That was the Woody Allen I miss.
- David S.
August 29, 2008 at 12:15am
Well said. This was a tedious film. The dirty little secret about Allen is that he indulges in cliches and stereotypes, which is why his serious films are seldom serious enough to be good. (And, yes, VCB falls on the "serious" side of the ledger. Why? Because it ain't funny.) Nothing rang true in this movie. Hall's drippy fiance is particularly revealing as one source of the film's cheap manipulation. He's either a stereotypical drip, in which case, why is Hall engaged to him in the first place, or he's not, in which case, Hall's infatuation with the trivial painter is tiresome. Which is it? Are these people supposed to be real? It's possible to tell this story, but Allen doesn't know how. He tells it to you and tells it to you, as Chris points out, but he also yells it at you, and, as we lawyers say, when you start pounding the table, you know you're in trouble. He not only indulges in stereotypes, he has his narrator describe them, just so you know, in case you didn't get the message, that so-and-so is *that* type. ********** "Match Point" is Allen's well-titled recent hit, but, for me, it didn't work nearly as well as the serious half of the equally well-titled Crimes and Misdemeanors, which is the same exact story. At least Crimes had the Misdemeanors half, and we got Allen at his best -- exposing, tenderly and ironically, human foibles and folly (the job of a comedian) and saying, in essence, here in the real world, shit happens, and bad guys win. Match Point was just a not-so-very-thrilling thriller. And VCB, as Chris says, is a not-so-very-sexy sex farce. Cruz doesn't so much steal the show as much as give one. Before her entrance, there wasn't much of a show to steal.
- jhildner
August 29, 2008 at 4:03am
I would like inform you that Scarlett Johansson (actress)actually is a clone from original person,who has nothing with acting career.Clone was created illegally by using stolen biomaterial. Original Scarlett Galabekian last name is nice, CHRISTIAN young lady!I'll tell you more,those clones(it's not only one)made in GERMANY-world leader manufacturer of humans clones,it is in Ludwigshafen am Rhein,N. Bavaria, Mr. Helmut Kohl home town.You can't even imaging the scale of the cloning activity.But warning! H. Kohl clone staff 100% controlling their clones spreading around the world,they are very accurate with that, some of them are still NAZI type disciplined and mind controlled clones,be careful get close with clones you will be controlled too.Original family did not authorize any activity with stolen biological materials,no matter what form it was created,it all needs back to original family control to Cedars-Sinai MedicalCenter in LA.Original Scarlett is not engage,by the way!
- Serge G
August 29, 2008 at 4:22am
I stopped watching the movie and started listening to the dialogue. I began to hear the same only Woodyspeak that has been going on for the last 20 years. This movie is boring and lifeless.
- BillH
September 15, 2008 at 10:26pm
"Especially bleached-blond shiksas that he can lust over but never have" - only that Scarlett is not shiksa, but 100% Kosher girl.
- Mishanya
November 13, 2008 at 6:56pm
I've just watched this film for the first time, and wanted to commend you on a marvelously-written review.
- vb
January 10, 2009 at 12:09pm
1) Nah, it's a tie. 3) I think there is a disc golf course in Fayetteville...at one of the rafting places. 12) Me,too...hard not to somehow. I usually make a few efforts and if people don't reciprocate...well, adieu...13) Do they? 16) Maybe someday...14) Really...on the day Caesar got the pointy reckoning...?16)It gets harder to stay close to them when you've got your own life going on...and they have theirs as well...17)Ditto...when we brought Danny home, our cat went on strike and refused to use her litter box...she quickly became someone else's cat 18)I got those beat: Jaws 4...twice...20)Loving the process of your work is the best part, isn't it? 25)Nah, it's a tie.
- JP Fanshawe
January 27, 2009 at 10:55pm
The above is not what I posted. Sensitive, Mr. Orr?
- JP Fanshawe
February 24, 2009 at 10:53am
A very excellent review. It expressed exactly what I thought as I watched the film but could never have articulated as pointedly as Mr. Orr. "Vicky Cristina Barcelona" is a wisp of what Woody Allen movies used to be, and it is thoroughly predictable. I don't have a clue why so many critics think it's such a good movie.
- Sharon J.
March 11, 2009 at 8:19pm
I loved the places. I HATED the constant pedestrian narration. Such a lazy way to dash off a script. There was no explanation for WHO the narrator was, who, by the way had no character to his voice. But the constant "and then this and then that" drone signaled authorial laziness. This is how a beginner might script. I immediately thought the best analogy for this was the whole ex-patriate-BLOG-from-a-foreign-country genre posted on the internet. "Today we went to the market and found the most delicious kiwi fruit imaginable! The cutest little native girl kept eluding my camera. Not at all like shopping back home in Poughkeepsie..." VCB I wanted to like as a whole but it was one stereotyped cliche after another about Gaudi, Catalan, Barcelona, Spanish guitars, blah blah.... It was a day by day Blogging commentary lavishly illustrated with video clips. Woody Allen doesn't even work at the craft anymore. I liked Javier, Cruz, Rebecca Hall and have respect for Penelpe Cruz as an actress from other films. But, compared to her Supporting Actress competition this year THIS was NOT an OSCAR WORTHY performance. It was, for one thing, too easy for her. She has worked with Pedro Almovodar too long not to easily draw upon crazy Spanish woman cliches. And especially easy to do when you are beautiful.
- David H
March 17, 2009 at 2:14am
Your review is right on the money. I made the same comment watching the film as you did in this review. The narrator would be welcome if this were a book on tape, but it's a potentially interesting movie, for Christ's sake! And this gets a nomination for best screenplay?! That's the funniest part of this so-called comedy.
- Greg Rempel
April 11, 2009 at 11:39pm