The College Rankings Ranking

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RANKINGS OCTOBER 28, 2013

The College Rankings Ranking Which bogus list of universities is the best?

The 100-pound book of dubiously ranked universities has long been a hallmark of the college application process. But these days, the number of lists and scores that tell you where to go to school is growing almost as quickly as college students’ debt. The 30-year tyranny of the US News & World Report rankings may be coming to an end: Last week, The New York Times reported that “dollars-and-cents tabulations” that purport to tell you the best bang for your buck “are the fastest-growing sector of the college rankings industry, with ever more analyses vying for the attention of high school students and their parents who are anxious about finances.” This summer, President Barack Obama promised that the federal government will come up with a website that would do exactly that.

With more and more rankings to choose from—and with wildly different prescriptions from one list to another—we thought young scholars and their parents could use a little help deciding which tabulation to trust. Please note, like most college guides, our College Rankings Ranking should be taken with a grain of salt.


 

1. President Obama’s proposed federal rankings

Reformist ardor: 97

Number-crunching utilitarianism: 99

Lushness of campus photography: TBD

Insufferable Haughtiness: 68

Degree of alarmism: 306

Booziness (a.k.a. awareness of what kids actually do in college): 0

Total Score: 570 

2. Washington Monthly College Guide

Reformist ardor: 396

Number-crunching utilitarianism: 82

Lushness of campus photography: 0

Insufferable Haughtiness: 8

Degree of alarmism: 71

Booziness (a.k.a. awareness of what kids actually do in college): 5

Total Score: 562

3. US News & World Report Rankings 

Reformist ardor: -700

Number-crunching utilitarianism: 13

Lushness of campus photography: 93

Insufferable Haughtiness: 1,007

Degree of alarmism: 4

Booziness (a.k.a. awareness of what kids actually do in college): 56

Total Score: 473

4. GQ’s Douchiest Colleges

Reformist ardor: 0

Number-crunching utilitarianism: 0

Lushness of campus photography: 45

Insufferable Haughtiness: 99

Degree of alarmism: 73

Booziness (a.k.a. awareness of what kids actually do in college): 210

Total Score: 427

5. Forbes Top Colleges

Reformist ardor: 20

Number-crunching utilitarianism: 89

Lushness of campus photography: 63

Insufferable Haughtiness: 77

Degree of alarmism: 58

Booziness (a.k.a. awareness of what kids actually do in college): 44

Total Score: 351

6. Wall Street Journal College Rankings

Reformist ardor: 4

Number-crunching utilitarianism: 90

Lushness of campus photography: 55

Insufferable Haughtiness: 86

Degree of alarmism: 49

Booziness (a.k.a. awareness of what kids actually do in college): 18

Total Score: 302

7. The Princeton Review Best College Rankings

Reformist ardor: 0

Number-crunching utilitarianism: 43

Lushness of campus photography: 3

Insufferable Haughtiness: 84

Degree of alarmism: 30

Booziness (a.k.a. awareness of what kids actually do in college): 97

Total Score: 257

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posted in: the plank, politics, culture, college rankings, washington monthly, president barack obama, higher education, student debt, us news & world report

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